Struggling

I hate to admit it, but I have been a real b°°° lately. It is something that I am extremely ashamed of. I cannot blame steroids anymore. I'm pretty sure those are well out of my system. So, I'm left questioning myself. Why am I acting this way?
The only answers I can think of so far are: fear and feeling overwhelmed. Fear of what? The unknown. And that is overwhelming. In the beginning I felt mentally and emotionally strong enough to take on anything! Now I'm a little over 2 months in and I see the cracks in my armor which worries me.
The bottom line is that I am worrying and letting things get to me too much. My God is big enough and strong enough to handle anything and everything! If He is for me, who can be against me? Who, or what, shall I fear!?
It's time I get out of this emotional/mental downward spiral and start fighting back with what I know is true:
I don't know the future- God does
I know I'm not strong enough- God is
I may feel absolutely on my own sometimes, and alone- God is right beside me.
"What ever is good, what ever is true, whatever is pleasing: meditate on these things."

Oh, appetite enhancer!

Oh, appetite enhancer!
Oh, appetite enhancer!!
How I dearly love thee! :)
I want to eat,
But don't need to eat.
The kitchen sink is safe for now :p
I know I obsess on my weight...
But I truly thank God (and the doctor) for thee!
Oh, appetite enhancer!
Oh, appetite enhancer!!
How I dearly love thee! :)

Oh, the weight!

So, after going below 100 pounds, the doctor thinks it's a good idea to put me on an appetite enhancer. I couldn't agree more!! Hopefully now I can start looking and feeling more like my normal self. :) if I'm going to keep kicking butt, the least I can do is look good and feel good doing it! Here's to a New Year enjoining eating everything and the kitchen sink! :D

Light at the end of the tunnel!

So glad that yesterday was my last day of needing to take steroids! I'm so done with the emotional roller coaster and feeling like there isn't a filter on my mind and mouth. So, grateful that I can start the chemo pills and start seeming off some of the other meds :) thank you everyone for all the prayers! I feel them boosting my spirits. :)

Here's to waking at the crack of dawn

Finding myself up at 2am again, thanks to the mega dose of steroids given during my last round of chemo... Feeling energized enough to clean my house. I don't think my family would appreciate it :p looks like I'll be doing some devotions and light reading again. :) if you're up to read this now, I strongly suggest you try and get some shut eye! I it's too early! Just saying :) good night, and God bless!!

Christmas tree! Oh, Christmas tree!! :)

The beautiful tree at waukesha memorial hospital oncology unit! Keith and I were privileged enough to help decorate it during a visit!

Just a few answers :)

So I met with the CTCA oncologist today. My cancer was found out to be a genetic mutation called the 'Ros 1 Rearrangement Mutation.' There isn't much info on it because it is more than extremely rare. It happens in less than 0.1% of people. The good news is that it is treatable. And there is a possibility of going into remission. :)